Memory
by Verdancy of the Green
Summary: L-ELf realizes that grieving for Tokishima Haruto is fundamentally different from grieving for Lisolette.


Perhaps it was due to the body he was clutching that he couldn't think clearly. The flesh was frozen, and the chill seeped through the suit into his own skin. For the first time in his life, his mind was blurry and unresponsive. There was no doubt that if they – no, if _he _were to be attacked right now that he would die. This was nothing like when he lost Lisolette. Back then, at least he had spent hours searching for an alternate path, a future where she at the very least lived on a delusion. He tried to do the same thing right now, but somehow, as numerous braches extended from the tree of possibilities in his analyses, it only made the haze worse. His thought processes were actually trying to shut down on him. So this was another type of grief. Why was the death of Tokishima Haruto affecting him this much? Even the loss of his Light hadn't done this to him.

"I see. You were the closest I ever got to another human being, and now you are also gone forever."

Haruto had fulfilled his purpose. He left behind no dying will or request. His eyes simply glowed brightly with the tattered remnants of his memories, acknowledged that he remembered their pact, and died. Lisolette lived on in her dazzling dream of coexistence, but what Haruto left behind was a void. He had died for that dream, and in response, the dream swallowed him up.

Tears started to flow from his eyes again and he started sobbing. This was so shameful, crying over a friend. It was as if the whole reason for Haruto's existence was to eventually wither away into martyrdom, and his sobbing eventually turned into pathetic bawling. This was too cruel, far too cruel, for both of them. Why did he have to lose his first friend like this, and why did that friend have to die so soon when the future was beginning to look so brilliant? He was the epitome of heartlessness, yet he was reduced to this sniveling mess. Had he gone soft? Though Haruto would probably approve of this show of emotion, saying the coffee was going sweet.

"You idiot! Wake up! I never got to tell you my real name! Did you expect to call me L-Elf for the rest of our lives? Wake up! Wake up! My name is Mikhail! It's Mikhail! You're going to eat your own words at this point! We haven't shared half of everything if I haven't told you my real name!"

He shook the corpse weakly, knowing the response was never going to come. Still, why was this bringing him so much hollow comfort? Eventually, exhaustion overtook his body and he curled into a corner of the cockpit, firmly grasping the hand of his friend.

The brother and sister A.I.'s watched him with pity, and he didn't have the will to snap back. When the cockpit hatch finally opened, the survivors were forced to drag them both out. He had passed out, but his hand remained firmly latched to the former pilot's. Everyone already knew he was dead, but to actually see the two of them reduced to this must have been nothing short of horrifying. The sound of crying woke him up, and he instinctively rubbed his own swollen, red eyes.

"L-Elf, are you unharmed?"

It was the teacher who was a soldier. Names escaped him currently. The man tried to un-pry his hand from Haruto, but his grip only tightened.

"Let me stay with him longer. Please. He is in the suit, and the body no longer has any Runes, so I doubt it will rot that fast."

"If you're going to stay with him until he rots in space, then I'm even more worried. Besides, it's not Haruto I'm worried about, it's you. It didn't seem like it, but… you got attached, didn't you? Now that you've lost the only people you ever cared about, I don't know what's going to happen. If you're going to recover, then I want you at least separated from him."

When his words garnered no response, the man grit his teeth.

"I didn't want to use this. L-Elf, do you really think Haruto enjoyed seeing you rot away in that storage room? At this rate, you're going to make him sad again."

"He's dead. Besides, even if he was alive, for once," he muttered, locking their gazes with his glassy eyes, "I want to be selfish."

"D-don't say that. He lives on everyone's memories."

"No, even in out memories he's dead. Lisolette is alive through her dream, but Tokishima Haruto is dead, no matter what. That is his role in us."

The dam in his heart that had been built years ago had burst some time ago, and now every little thing seemed to make his eyes water.

"There were too many options that ended in his victory and life. I almost wish that he was doomed to die no matter what like Lisolette. I never even got to see her dead body. At least let me stay with my friend longer."

The man groaned and held his head in calloused, bloody hands.

"Please, _please_, say that you managed to tell him that before he left."

L-Elf's eyes widened, and for the first time in almost weeks, he smiled. It was a horrible smile marred with death, but it was a smile all the same. His brief nod was all it took for the man to sigh in relief.

"You need rest. I promise to wake you up for the funeral. Take a bath and go to sleep. It'll help for sure."

Reluctantly, L-Elf loosened his grip.

"I must have horrible luck. Both my Light and my friend are dead."

"Don't ever try to run from connections though. The pain and joy all come in a package."

"Understood."

He drifted off through the hallways, and when he was finally clean and out of bloodied clothes, he collapsed onto a sleeping pad in a darkened room. Amidst the dying breaths of his roommates, he felt slightly more at ease.

He must have been in some sort of incredible shock if even his dreams were trying to console him.

"Haruto?"

"Hey! I'm glad you're alright!"

"You seem… happy. Why are you here?"

"I'm not sure how. It seems there's some Runes in you left over from when I used your body. Don't bother," her interjected, when he saw L-Elf's expression change.

"There's not enough to save me, and even then, how long do you think I'd be able to live? Dying once is enough for me!"

"I see."

"I'm glad you called me your friend."

"If you managed to hear that, and remember our pact at least, then I am satisfied."

Haruto laughed, but it was slightly forced, and his eyes looked sad.

"Sorry L-Elf, but I'm gonna have to ask you to help us, again. Even though none of us could've done anything without you."

There was a brief pause before L-Elf spoke again.

"Yes? What is it? I have already lost so much, that it would not matter to lose some more."

Haruto beamed and grabbed L-Elf's hands.

"Thank you! Thank you!"

Silently, he wondered if this would be the first and last time someone held his hands like this.

"I want you to find a way to create Runes! Without killing humans! You can start small by finding a way to power the Valvraves without sacrificing anyone, and then move on to bigger projects," he said, his voice escaping from his lips so quickly that they echoed each other.

"I'll see what I can do. We can start by finding more scientists and fund additional research, and if I can't finish the project in my lifetime, I will pass it down to others."

"As long as L-Elf's in charge, I'm pretty sure we can do it."

"You've placed too much faith in me."

"I guess so – oh? I think… we'll have to say our goodbyes soon. Properly."

L-Elf watched Haruto begin to slowly disintegrate, and he sighed.

"It's a shame that we only had a few conversations that did not involve arguing and screaming, and one of them was beyond the dead. A bit pitiful, no?"

"That's true."

"Before you leave, I need to tell you something. That way we'll be able to properly share half of everything."

"What?"

"My name is Mikhail."

Haruto's eyes widened, and he laughed.

"I can't believe I got so used to calling you L-Elf that I forgot it was just some label slapped on you! Yep, now we actually know each other's names!"

"You're fading faster."

"Yeah. Mikhail, you should stop calling promises pacts, okay?"

"I will try."

"Mikhail, promise to find a way to make Runes, okay?"

"I already did."

"Bye, Mikhail."

"Goodbye, Haruto."

"Who knows, maybe someday we'll see each other again."

"I'm looking forward to it."

"L-Elf? Over here!"

Shouko waved him over in her bright red suit, and he dutifully followed his prime minister to a park bench.

"Is something the matter with the artificial Runes?"

"Even though it's a prototype, the Valvrave isn't rejecting it, and obviously I'm not dead, so I'd say it's a success!"

"That's a relief."

"Anyway, I have something to give you."

"What is it?"

"It's been a few months since Haruto, left, y'know," she said, her voice trailing off, "and when I managed to get back to the main force, I found something, but the teachers said I shouldn't give it to you yet. I actually kinda wanted to keep if for myself, but you only have a few memories of him to begin with, so I figured you needed it more."

She pulled a blue cell phone out of her pocket and pressed into one of L-Elf's palms.

"It's his. The weird thing is that there's one message that failed to send, and it's addressed to someone nobody knows."

"How do I access it?"

Shouko patiently guided him through the menus until he saw the message, and his heart froze.

To: Mikhail

That bastard, casually flaunting his name around like that. He opened it, and after reading the message, groaned.

I forgot to say something. Try to be less of a jerk around others.

"I need to get to the lab. I think there's Runes stored in here. That fool!"

"L-Elf?" Shouko said dumbly, but out of the corner of her vision, she saw a content smile. "I knew you needed that more than me," she muttered with a grin.

L-Elf looked through all the picture and messages, and noticed how well it chronicled the slow descent into chaos the module had gone though. Still, the happy parts were to be treasured.


End file.
